Author: Thomas McGuiness (Page 1 of 2)

Embracing Change: The Journey From ‘Not Yet’ to Acceptance

October 25, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

I’ve been sober for more than 39 years, so you know I’m not a spring chicken. Actually, you know that because I use phrases like, “spring chicken”!

I’m in my mid-60s and recently noticed changes to my body that resulted from heredity and life choices. I took a hearing test yesterday, and the results showed that my hearing is limited for sounds in the higher ranges. So when my wife or daughter say something, I sometimes know they said words, but I can’t distinguish them.

The other change is that a cataract is forming in my right eye. My vision is blurry in that eye.

Because I want to remain healthy and useful in this life, my immediate reaction is to fix those issues. Get hearing aids and have cataract surgery.

But in both cases, my doctors said, “Not yet.”

The ophthalmologist said the cataract has not progressed to the point of surgery. The audiologist said something similar. This is a good baseline that will help us determine when hearing loss requires hearing aids.

Notice that neither said yes nor no. They said, “not yet.”

That phrase is an important part of 12-Step recovery programs. When the still-suffering alcoholic/drug addict refuses to pick up our proffered bag of spiritual tools (the 12 Steps and the program of recovery), we see they are not ready…yet.

They may eventually reach the point of willingness to seek what we have and become willing to go to any length to get it. They just are not there…yet.

It took me many years to accept that trying to run my life on self-will wasn’t “curing” my insatiable desire to self-medicate on alcohol and drugs. I had to realize my life was unmanageable and I was powerless over those substances. Once I reached the point of acceptance—also known as hitting my bottom—it was time for me to begin my journey to sobriety.

How about you? Have you found yourself in a situation that you told yourself in the past you would never accept? The defeats and suffering that we call the “yets” are a natural progression of our disease. Just like my hearing loss and cataract are a natural progression of my body’s reactions to time, heredity and events.

Maybe it is time for you to stop the “yets” by saying, “yes” to getting help and “no” to the substances and people harming you.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

August 6, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

One of my long-time favorite devotionals is 24 Hours a Day published by Hazelden Publishing. From July 29-31, three of my favorite devotions in that book come up.

The devotions cover two days in every week about which we shouldn’t worry, and the third day that we should embrace. The two days we shouldn’t worry about are Yesterday and Tomorrow. Yesterday is gone forever, along with its mistakes, cares, faults, blunders, aches and pains. Tomorrow also is beyond our control, along with its possible promise, problems and poor performance.

That leaves Today. What a relief I felt when I understood I don’t have to carry remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday, or dread what may come tomorrow. I just need to live one day at a time.

Focus on living Today!

Celebrate Recovery: 39 Years Sober and 1 Year Without Gambling

July 29, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Earlier this year, I marked 39 years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs.

This week, I marked one year free from the bondage of gambling.

With the help of an AI generator, I created the image here to accompany this post. I wanted the stone tablets to be as weathered as my sobriety has become over 39 years. I have weathered:

trials and temptations that before I got sober would have possibly led me to drink or drug,
periods of being a little “dry” when I reduced meetings and service work, and
life on life’s terms—including the loss of beloved family and friends, and financial challenges from periods of job loss.

One aspect of recovery that I knew about—and unfortunately experienced myself over time—is that an alcoholic/substance misuser’s personality and cravings can manifest themselves in different ways once the alcoholic/substance misuser achieves recovery from their primary addictive substance.

I saw it happen in Alcoholics Anonymous, as other members stopped drinking only to start smoking, or overeating. If we are not vigilant, our recovery can become a sort of Whac-A-Mole game. We focus on knocking down one addiction, only to see a different one pop up.

That happened to me a few years ago. Worries about money and career led me to start playing the lottery. It progressed to me spending hundreds of dollars some weeks, and trying to cover up my losses.

Just over a year ago, I came clean to my spouse and entered a 12-step recovery-based program: Celebrate Recovery. This week I celebrated one year free of the compulsion to gamble. That is what the cake in my AI graphic represents.

If you or a loved one has begun recovery for an addiction, be vigilant to see any other addiction take hold.

Step and Tradition Five

May 3, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Step Five

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and
to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Tradition Five

“Each group has but one primary
purpose—to carry its message
to the alcoholic who still suffers.”

Step Five: The Three Aspects of ‘Admitted’

When I was working on my Fourth Step, I already had an eye on the next phase of my spiritual development: Step Five.

In fact, like some other recovering alcoholics I know, I completed my Fourth Step under the pressure of an upcoming date to complete the Fifth Step. Deadlines can help a procrastinator!

Looking back, I see that I experienced three aspects of the word, “admitted,” when I worked on my Fifth Step.

The first aspect mentioned in the step is “Admitted to God.” This probably was the easiest aspect of the three for me, because my religious training had me convinced that God already knew everything I had ever done or thought. I was convinced that there was no hiding from God!

The second aspect is to admit “to ourselves.” It took me more than 2 years of working the A.A. Program before I felt that I was being really honest with myself about my “personal inventory”—the list of my positive AND detrimental actions, beliefs and abilities.

The final aspect of admitted was “to another human being.” In my case, that was my sponsor. The difference with this aspect was that I wasn’t simply thinking my own thoughts.

My sponsor asked me questions that made me rethink some of what I had written. He brought up points that I had either forgotten or wanted to avoid. He helped me to admit to myself that I couldn’t do Step Five on my own—no one can.

Tradition Five: Does It Impact ‘Selfish Programs’?

I recently was talking with a man I sponsor, when he said he was considering not doing something difficult and uncomfortable because “this is a selfish program.”

I’ve often had my hackles rise when someone in A.A. says that phrase, because of times when people have said it to excuse themselves from taking personal responsibility for their actions and/or the consequences of their actions. Is A.A. truly a “selfish program” according to Tradition Five?

As Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions states in the chapter on Tradition Five, “It is the great paradox of A.A. that we know we can seldom keep the precious gift of sobriety unless we give it away.”

Even the Promises state that before we are halfway through the Steps, “We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.”

Bill W. wrote, “The word ‘selfish’ ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others. Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits.

“If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost [and we] are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol.

“Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first—a right and necessary kind of self-concern.”

Tradition Five tells us to focus our groups on carrying the A.A. message to the alcoholic who still suffers. But we always have to maintain our sobriety and spiritual condition to have something to pass along.—

Step & Tradition Four: Inventory and Autonomy

May 1, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Step Four

“Made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves.”

Tradition Four

“Each group should be autonomous
except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.”

The A.A. book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions states the following about Step Four: “Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn’t be complete human beings. [Yet] these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions.”

Step Four is our way to discover how our instincts and desires have warped us, so that we can move toward correcting them.

Like lancing an infected wound, the step may cause short-term pain for longer-term healing. We must face our past fearlessly, trusting that our Higher Power will help and guide us—if we ask.

Tradition Four, according to the “Twelve and Twelve,” allows each A.A. group autonomy in decision-making, so long as the decision doesn’t affect other groups or A.A. as a whole.

As the “Twelve and Twelve” states, “We saw that the group, exactly like the individual, must eventually conform to whatever tested principles would guarantee survival. [Every] group had the right to be wrong.”

This tradition resulted from years of learning what can enhance or hinder an A.A. group. Autonomy for the group, with accountability to other groups and A.A. as a whole.—

Step & Tradition Three: Short, Sweet, and Powerful

April 28, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Step Three

“Made a decision to turn our will and
our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Tradition Three

“The only requirement for A.A.
membership is a desire to stop drinking.”

Step Three has only 20 words. Tradition Three has even fewer: 12. And yet that Step and Tradition have the power to change people’s lives in amazing ways.

The Third Step requires each of us to decide who will run our lives—ourselves, or a Higher Power. For me, it was easy to know that I had made a mess of my life by trying to control people, places and things—including my use of alcohol and other drugs.

The harder decision was to trust my Higher Power, whom I call God, enough to pull my hands off of the steering wheel of my life, so that He could steer me in the right direction. Many days, I have moments when I have to recommit my will and my life to His care.

The Third Tradition makes it simple to know who is a “member” of A.A.—anyone who has a desire to stop drinking.

That means that the chronic relapser who dusts himself or herself off and keeps coming back is just as much a member as the person who remained sober after the very first meeting.

Step Three and Tradition Three are short, sweet and powerful—they are simple, but often not easy. They keep us grounded.

This Spiritual Program Offers More Than Sobriety

April 27, 2024 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

The topic of spirituality within the AA Program came up just before the holidays at a Sunday morning Big Book meeting that I co-chair.

AA brochure Many Paths to Spirituality — One source for information regarding how different spiritual beliefs coexist in AA. https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/literature/assets/p-84_manypathstospirituality.pdf

We were reading “A Drunk Like You,” from pages 398–406 in the Fourth Edition.

That story, written by a Jewish chief product researcher in a large corporation, mentioned “spiritual awakenings,” a Higher Power and the author’s struggle with saying the Lord’s Prayer (which he considered a Christian prayer) at the close of meetings.

His sponsor told him to quietly pray something else that he liked because, “Your Higher Power, whatever you call it, is helping you, and you need to say thank you.”

I could see heads nodding in agreement with the next part of the story, “I finally began to separate the religious aspects of my life from A.A.’s spiritual program. [It’s] about my personal contact with my personal Higher Power, as I understand Him.”

We broke up into smaller discussion groups after my lead, and the individuals within the group that I was in identified with much of the author’s story, my lead, and others’ comments.

I was reminded again how we can be from many different backgrounds, yet find common ground in the important task of staying sober and working the A.A. Program.

While sobriety is such a precious gift to us—in fact, it is life or death—the Second Step and Second Tradition remind us that this spiritual program offers much more than our sobriety.

The Second Step tells us that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. I know that I didn’t like that word when I heard it early in sobriety. “I’m not insane,” I thought.

It took a while, including thorough Fourth and Fifth Steps, before I learned just how insane my thinking and actions had been.

It helped when I heard that one definition of insane living is to do the same thing again and again, while expecting different results. That was my story with trying to control alcohol and other drugs!

The Second Tradition shows us that the true authority that we need to submit to is a Higher Power, whom I see today as the loving God mentioned in the tradition. I see how my Higher Power works for the good of A.A. in group discussions and the group conscience.

While I respect and try to work well with other recovering people who lead meetings and various committees around A.A., Tradition Two reminds me that they are not “the boss of me.” God (my Higher Power) is.

The diversity of people from so many different faith backgrounds—of course, including many who do not believe in God—can be such a blessing if we are tolerant of each other. And through working the A.A. Program, I see how I have been blessed so much more than with the great gift of sobriety.

A ‘Fellowship of Equals’

October 16, 2023 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Since I’m in a few Twelve Step Programs, I benefit from applying wisdom and good thoughts learned in one of them to the other programs I work.

Case in point: When reading a daily Al-Anon devotion today, I saw the phrase “fellowship of equals.” The phrase was used to state that in Al-Anon, all members are equal. We don’t have a right to consider someone “less than” or ourselves superior to anyone else.

I read a similar thought years ago in the Big Book of A.A., in the chapter, “There is a Solution.” It states we are a people “who normally would not mix” but who are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck.”

I continue to marvel at the range of people I meet in recovery meetings and service work. All national origins, religious beliefs (including atheists and agnostics), education and personal wealth. None of that matters in terms of recovery in each program, however the various perspectives and experiences enrich the interactions and knowledge I gain from meetings and conversations.

I never could have imagined how much I would gain in addition to my sobriety and serenity from walking amongst this “fellowship of equals”!

We are a “fellowship of equals” (image from Bigstock Photos)

Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as the Result of…

June 25, 2023 / Thomas McGuiness / 0 Comments

Every day we have an opportunity to grow spiritually. “Spiritual awakenings” are far less common, and are often memorable for their impact. I’ve had two spiritual awakenings: One in Alcoholics Anonymous and one as a Christian.

The First Awakening

Even though I was raised Catholic, by my late teens, I had walked away from organized religion and ran toward a life of alcohol, drugs, occasional sex and a bachelor’s degree from a state university.

The only contacts I had with religion while in college were from an evangelical neighbor in my dorm and a screaming lunatic named Jed Smock, who spewed hell and brimstone a couple of times each year on visits to the university.

Neither contributed to a spiritual awakening in me.

Years later when I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable, I experienced a spiritual awakening in which I became acutely aware of the presence of my Higher Power, whom I call God. That awakening led to me actively communicating through prayer, meditation and everyday conversations with God.

My trust in God increased as I saw people receiving guidance, encouragement and purpose from their Higher Powers. If God did it for them, he could and would do that for me, I reasoned.

In the mid to late 1990s, my wife and I attended church in our hometown. That church had a retreat ministry which we attended. At the second retreat I attended, my Catholic background knowledge of Jesus was refined and became real to me. I knew that day that Jesus did indeed rise from the dead and his life was the way I could receive forgiveness for my sins.

That was my second spiritual awakening. Both are important to me, and my experience is my own—every A.A. member will find their own path to a spiritual awakening. A.A. has no opinion on outside issues and does not affiliate with any sect, denomination, religion or belief.

While my experience is my own, I do hope that everyone reading this is open to examining the concept of a spiritual awakening. Mine opened my eyes and heart. I wish you a similar experience.

Our Tool Kit of Spiritual Principles

June 24, 2023 / Thomas McGuiness / 1 Comment

Coin from Alcoholics Anonymous that includes AA spiritual principles

This is the back of a coin that I received from the Chicago Office of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The face of the coin features the AA triangle logo with the words “Recovery,” “Unity” and “Service” along each side of the triangle. The phrase “Practice these principles in all our affairs” extends along the top and bottom of the coin’s face.

The meat of the coin is the list of spiritual principles mentioned in A.A.’s main text, “Alcoholics Anonymous”:

Acceptance
Surrender
Faith
Open-Mindedness
Honesty
Willingness
Moral Inventory
Amends
Humility
Persistence
Spiritual Growth
Service

These principles, which we are called to practice in every aspect of our life, are part of the “kit of spiritual tools” that we share with newcomers as we describe how working the 12 Steps has led to us staying sober and recovering from the physical, emotional and spiritual impact of alcoholism.

We use them as measuring sticks to see our spiritual progress. They also convict me when my words and actions fall short. Thankfully, we have been told that “no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles.”

Have you looked at this list of spiritual principles lately? See any that you need to work on today?